SHUTING.190392
SINFUL BLOG POST!
Posted on: 2009-06-30
Posted at: 18:59
OH WELL, I'M SUPPOSE TO STUDY YET I'M BLOGGING. :(Posted at: 18:59
OK IT'S THE EVER DREADDDED PAPER: CHEMISTRY!
I'M SO LOOKING TO THE END OF THE EXAM, GOING TO CHURCH AGAIN!
I'M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH CHRISTIAN ROCK MUSIC! ! !
OK! VIEWING THE MISSED SERMON NOW!
:) AS CHILDISH AS EVER! I AM WHO I AM! :)
SAVE ME! :(
Posted on: 2009-06-28
Posted at: 22:53
Posted at: 22:53
I feel so dead now. My heart, my heart. My soul, my soul.
I'm at my wits end.
I turning back to look at everything I've done.
I truly regret it.
I've come to somewhere I don't belong.
I feel painful and horrible.
I can feel myself dying... my heart is dying.
I really really regret.
Now that I've come this far, turning back seemed faraway.
It's like walking from the north to south, east to west.
I feel myself turning away from everything.
My life is a wrecked train.
Nothing can be done to salvage this situation.
I will be left alone, left to be in the dark.
I'm so afraid, yet regretting everything.
I hate myself for choosing something I dislike, because I'm not this kind of person.
I want to be myself, but for the first time, I was so wrong.
I was placed wrongly.
I did something because my rational mind tells me to, I did it to please others, my parents, but I failed to please God.
I promised him something but yet I backfired because of something else.
Now I'm truly regretting myself for suffering here.
God, I need you here.
I feel so guilty not even going to church today.
RH said that the sermon is about me, and God is speaking to me.
I feel so painful that I couldn't get to hear his words.
Nothing can get into my head.
All the information is just flowing away, and there is no way I can stop them.
I'm living such a terrible life.
I told myself few days ago, not to look back because it pulls you from the future. If you look forward, time past faster, and soon everything will finish.
I'm speechless.
I need the holy spirit to come speak to me.
My whole world is falling apart.
I can't feel anything.
Nobody is around me.
Nobody talks to me, sms me.
No one is concerned about me.
I'm left behind by the world. My friends are all moving forward!
I'm really moving backwards.
I feel bad about everything today.
I've never felt so useless, and unworthy in my life before.
I've never ever felt I was even appreciated in this world, nor do I deserve to be in this world.
I know I'm paid by a price, Jesus is my savior.
I'm precious in his eyes, but somehow I'm undergoing so many trials and tribulations.
I've lost my will to continue to go on.
I want to fall on my knees, to ask for forgiveness, for redemption.
No matter how hard I pray, I can't feel his presence.
I know I'm sinning for being lazy and everything.
I just feel I need my heart to be renewed.
To come clean before the lord, and I really need to bring my heart of stone away, and welcome a new heart of flesh.
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it!
Now that I'm filled with guilt and pain in my heart, I don't know how to go one. The Lord has felt sad too, and how I wished he can save me from everything again.
I'm too unworthy to be here.
I stumbled upon the daily devotion today.
Here it goes :
Title: Recipe for Rejoicing
Author: Warren Wiersbe
Read Psalm 69:22-36
"I will praise the name of God with a song and will magnify Him with thanksgiving." This verse seems out of place here, because this psalm has an atmosphere of trial and sorrow. Six times we find the word reproach in Psalm 69. David cries out to God for help, so it's strange to find him saying, "I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving." When you are sinking, when you think that everything has gone wrong, when others are persecuting you and smiting you, praise the name of God with a song.
Paul and Silas must have thought of verse 30 when they were suffering in jail in Philippi (see Acts 16:16-34). They were in the stocks. They had been humiliated and arrested. Their rights were taken from them. They had been beaten with rods, and their bodies ached. But they began to sing and praise God. The concert brought down the house, and the jailer was saved. When you find yourself sinking, start singing.
Magnify the Lord. When I hurt, I have a tendency to magnify myself. I think, Nobody ever felt the way I feel. Nobody's ever been through what I've been through. But David said, "I'm not going to do that. I'm going to magnify the Lord."
Thank the Lord. Anyone can thank Him when things are going well. Anyone can thank Him in the sunshine. But when you are sinking in the deep mire, it's difficult to give thanks to God. But we need to do so.
Here you have a threefold recipe for rejoicing when you are sinking: Praise the name of the Lord, seek to magnify Him and bring your thanksgiving from your heart.
Are you overwhelmed by your circumstances? Trust the Lord and follow this recipe. He will cause you to rejoice.
Psalm 69:29
29 I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me.
Pain and distress is exactly how I felt!
God, I need you in my life. I am nothing without you.
GETTING ON WITH LIFE!
Posted on: 2009-06-21
Posted at: 19:57
I'm quite busy with my whole life right now.Posted at: 19:57
I admit! I played a lot and I can't help to stop but run away from all those irritating CLLCME!
My irritating combination! :( haiyaaaaa! pissed with my CLL!
1) GATHERING FOR ARIA's FAREWELL! :(
Poor Aria leaving us soon, but for a good cause.
She's heading to CANADA to the University of Waterloo!
It looked like a pretty smart school! I hope Aria comes back soon! :(
Then she can wear nice winter clothes! :) Maybe we should just send her a scarf!
2) GATHERING WITH SECONDARY SCHOOL FRIEND!
I was pretty lazy... haha but it was nice meeting those girls again!
And Joyce forever had good deals to prepare us for! :)
shall call it informative! HAHAHA! So we headed over to Swensens for some student price ice-cream! :D
I'm sorry yet to upload those photos up to FB! :(
3) Life's a BEACH!
JASMINE, LIXUAN, SHUTING. The 3 of us headed to Vivo City to shop before ended up at Sentosa for Life's a Beach event. We just slacked around, took photos and sat by the beach to chat and look at the night scenery. :)
4) CHURCH CAMP :D
WOOO I LOVE CHURCH CAMP THIS YEAR! :) It's really awesome! :) I loved the arrangement and everything about it! How the Lord speaks to me in some areas of my life. I can't summed up the entire things in a few words... but it's really and definitely far more exciting than encounter camp!!! Maybe more in terms of relationship, when I realised alot about what the Lord has in prepared for us is true. We all want to have emotional attatchment. I guess it's really bad to have a lot of relationships and ended up getting hurt. Just like you don't want your husand to go around sleeping with others, precisely don't do that too! It's more like if you don't want that to happen to you, don't go around doing the same. I still don't really agree why we shouldn't have a non-christian boyfriend but guess time will reveal. There's still a lot like spending time with the Lord through TEA and SMART, how to read the bible, and etc... It's really helpful and it ended all well with hugging our pastors with messages telling us to be different and that we're special!
Do go to www.markadifference.blogspot.com for more cool sermon explanantion! That's what I think at least! haha! :)
Event coming along...
Cell Group Outings :D
Toilet Gang Sushi buffet! :)
Father's Day! :)
Sinren's BIG DAY! haha nah its BIRTHDAY! ;P
KIAN AUNITE's WEDDING! :)
SHOPPING DAY! :)
DINNER WITH RONGHUI! :)
I might as well just fail my exams! -,-! & I'm offically officially BROKE!
it's been awhile...
Posted on: 2009-06-19
Posted at: 19:33
Posted at: 19:33
my favourite photo! (:
since I felt lost or lonely.
But today, I actually felt so.
After floorball, I whipped out my phone and nobody smsed me. I was super sad! I don't know why as I grew older, the more I felt lonelier. . .
Is it a punishment from God or the trials I have to go through?
I know there bounds to be problems in life, but little did I expect it to be hard to accept.
I felt like nobody really cared about me. I was thrown into a deep hole.
Whether in floorball or in life, I feel lost and I'm afraid I can't succeed.
I know it's wrong to think negative, but when people walk alone, this is how they feel.
I can't find anynone in this deep hole, only myself searching for the light.
I don't try to reach for the top cause I'm afriad.
Overall, I'm tired tired tired! But I still need to study! :( that's fate or reality?
:(
Always Forever! =D
Posted on: 2009-06-11
Posted at: 12:02
I've found a really nice, smoothing worship song! Posted at: 12:02
It's not catchy but it touches my heart a lot!
I love how simple the lyrics are yet captivating!
I can say it's one of my favorite worship song right now! :D
Play it to hear it! :D
Here's the lyrics to it:
You are the hand that catches my fall
You are the friend that answers my call
You are my day, You are my night
You are my love and all of my life
You are the love I need
You are the air I breathe
You are my love my life always forever
I would lay down my life
Just to be by Your side
You are my love my life always forever
You are the grace that covers my sin
You’re everything the beginning and end
You have my soul, my heart and my mind
You have my love and all of my life
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, forever
:) blessed is ME!
Posted on: 2009-06-10
Posted at: 22:31
OH THANK GOD THAT SINREN IS ALSO GOING DHOBY GAUT! (:Posted at: 22:31
Then we can take the same mrt and bus! HAPPY! & I love that damn stupid function on her phone. It's so FUN to WRAP your face and look extremely retarded and stupid! :O
Oh well, I'm so glad I've met up with SINREN! WHEEEE! & her extremely i-don't-know boyfriend. What should I blog about today?
Oh yes, I went for Economics extra lessons! (: It was pretty helpful, however that teacher was weird. SEE I'M ONE GOOD GIRL that attends ECONOMICS! HAHA!
I have so many things on my mind right now!
I have a imaginary boyfriend called jayson, haha i don't make sense!
I have so many things on my mind right now!
I have a imaginary boyfriend called jayson, haha i don't make sense!
LALA POST! :) hate it when it's long!
Posted on: 2009-06-09
Posted at: 23:42
Posted at: 23:42
OH I feel so ashamed saying this but but but due to my laziness,
I've skipped like lots of lessons! Economics and Maths to be specific!
AHHH! I feel like screaming! Everything seemed to be out against me!
God taught us to be obedience, yet what if everyone turn against you?
It's like every time I try to put my best front forward to people,
yet they doesn't appreciate what you've actually done for them.
I know I'm still learning! Just like a baby taking its steps...
No matter how hard I try, I'm in my dilemma.
It seemed forever that I'm trying to become more and more like Jesus,
however at the very same time, I find myself not 'original' anymore.
I lost my old personality, old self, the old me.
I wonder if anyone ever feels so that I'm changing...
I just missed all my old friends, and how we used to be.
I missed their laughter, and all the lame jokes we crack together.
It seemed further and further away as each day passed.
It's not that our memories are fading away, but it's like every single day...
each and every one of us are constantly changing.
Memories doesn't change, but human being does.
God doesn't too. He's there always and forever.
I'm not EMOTIONAL! OH WELL, just a few days ago.
I was so naive. I tried to get myself drunk at the same place where
sad memories took place. YES! I got like kind of cranky and drunk.
At first, I thought :" SEE I'M SO STRONG! NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME! "
However, right after what I've thought, thinking I was all cool and calm.
I was overwhelmed by darkness... For a moment, my whole head spin like mad.
Then I could not stand firmly, I needed to sit down.
Next thing, I vomit. Next next thing, I was sitting in the middle of the road.
SINNER, yes I am ONE! :( underage drinking is not cool!
NO, it's not cool drinking at all! :(((
Seriously, I feel so sinned that I didn't pray to God, tell him my problems,
instead I turn to alcohol, thinking it would help. Apparently, it DON'T!
So yesterday, I went to met up with SINREN.
Then we talked DIRTY. HAHAHA. I loved it and it was so funny.
I'm like digging a lot about her and her whatever XXX.
They've did so many stuff! OPPS! HAHAHA! Oh don't expect that much! :)
I think they're one normal and cute couple.
Then we were saying like we'll start praying for me to find my RIGHT one! ASAP i HOPE! :)
Today, floorball resumed our normal trainings. Not I guess it's just another start of my nightmare! :( It's not I dislike floorball, I just find everyone being so indifferent!
In the past, nothing like this ever occured. Pure and Innocent. Yet now, so malicious.
At KFC, something happened, and next minute, half of my body was covered with rootbeer.
Maybe because I'm already pretty sticky, don't really mind over it. Maybe if I were in my CCHY uniform, I'll surely be freaking out! OHHH! I think I like the font, that's why I keep typing and typing! My first week passed passed passed! Oh my, I swear I didn't even get to enjoy anything up till now! Oh yes, I'm super crazy and worried that I can't find my true love! :(
Everywhere I go, I see couples, and it's an eye sore! :C
I'm pretty sure everyone is so damn fast and furious... oh my I'll be left on the shelves!
I don't want! :C Oh I need to stand firm with Jesus first, before he can give me my RIGHT ONE! I think I should be thinking this way. Maybe If I Wait hard enough, learn to grow in Jesus, wait patiently, then he'll give me a faithful a right one, my meant to be soulmate. Can you imagine the countless of precious memories we'll have, if we were meant to be. How much we can click well, how much we can actually spent time together doing similar stuff and feeling happy, how much we can get together and worship the lord, sing praises together, spent time together counting stars, spend time talking about how Jesus brought us together, how Jesus want our lives to be connected with him, how we are so same and alike, how much we love Jesus, tell each other about the secrets we have, tell each other how we met Jesus, get together in a cold night, spend a lazy afternoon together, tell each other the problems we faced in life, read our Bibles together, spend time together listening to God's word for us, go to a faraway place where nobody knows us, gatecrash some random weddings, laugh at each other faults, forgiving each other sins and know how much we actually love each other and cannot live without each other, ... the list goes on and on!
There are infinite things I must do with my husband/first boyfriend. I know I might sound somehow like old fashioned, outdated, but I believe the Lord for the right one and only one so I won't get hurt and it's a LOVE STORY! I'll be the ONE to witness that true love does exist, and it won't be like other teenagers when their love are just mere infatuation or for the sake of having someone to love or to be loved. Although I know it's difficult and hard during this century but FAITH keeps me going on. Yes, it's true and I believe it. I'm living for it! I wonder if God will ever read my blog! I just stumbled upon angel's blog, and she say God doesn't reply smses, but I believe God will know my problems. That sermon was just so spot on! Thank Lord about what Pastor Eugene has preached about during the last sermon. It was like my daily bread! Two word from the bible and from that verse striked me alot! TAKE HEART! So I wrote it in my palms before going to floorball. I know I needed it to help me tide through! Oh tomorrow is going to be tied up! I don't mind spending my time talking with the Lord, it's so precious to me! I feel guilty that I have not been spending enough time with him. Fret not, this friday is my TEEN IDOL CAMP! I'm so looking forward to it! It's like I can finally get some time off the busy schedule to do something meaningful and fruitful! Oh yes, last week pastor Lily was telling us to pray in tongues! But I just couldn't cause I have not received it! I'm not sure when I will receive it but I know I'm not ready for it. I want to fully receive it when I have the real heart and the heart God desires then to put his powerful, mighty power into my mouth and confess the truths. Our tribe are supposed to pray in 2 for a word from the lord for our youth net ( I think so). I was praying then many words like love, compassion just passed thorugh, then out of a sudden, guitar popped out! It was so random! I shall ask more from the lord about it! Hopefully He'll give me an answer! Alrights! Shall stop this long long post! (:
I've skipped like lots of lessons! Economics and Maths to be specific!
AHHH! I feel like screaming! Everything seemed to be out against me!
God taught us to be obedience, yet what if everyone turn against you?
It's like every time I try to put my best front forward to people,
yet they doesn't appreciate what you've actually done for them.
I know I'm still learning! Just like a baby taking its steps...
No matter how hard I try, I'm in my dilemma.
It seemed forever that I'm trying to become more and more like Jesus,
however at the very same time, I find myself not 'original' anymore.
I lost my old personality, old self, the old me.
I wonder if anyone ever feels so that I'm changing...
I just missed all my old friends, and how we used to be.
I missed their laughter, and all the lame jokes we crack together.
It seemed further and further away as each day passed.
It's not that our memories are fading away, but it's like every single day...
each and every one of us are constantly changing.
Memories doesn't change, but human being does.
God doesn't too. He's there always and forever.
I'm not EMOTIONAL! OH WELL, just a few days ago.
I was so naive. I tried to get myself drunk at the same place where
sad memories took place. YES! I got like kind of cranky and drunk.
At first, I thought :" SEE I'M SO STRONG! NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME! "
However, right after what I've thought, thinking I was all cool and calm.
I was overwhelmed by darkness... For a moment, my whole head spin like mad.
Then I could not stand firmly, I needed to sit down.
Next thing, I vomit. Next next thing, I was sitting in the middle of the road.
SINNER, yes I am ONE! :( underage drinking is not cool!
NO, it's not cool drinking at all! :(((
Seriously, I feel so sinned that I didn't pray to God, tell him my problems,
instead I turn to alcohol, thinking it would help. Apparently, it DON'T!
So yesterday, I went to met up with SINREN.
Then we talked DIRTY. HAHAHA. I loved it and it was so funny.
I'm like digging a lot about her and her whatever XXX.
They've did so many stuff! OPPS! HAHAHA! Oh don't expect that much! :)
I think they're one normal and cute couple.
Then we were saying like we'll start praying for me to find my RIGHT one! ASAP i HOPE! :)
Today, floorball resumed our normal trainings. Not I guess it's just another start of my nightmare! :( It's not I dislike floorball, I just find everyone being so indifferent!
In the past, nothing like this ever occured. Pure and Innocent. Yet now, so malicious.
At KFC, something happened, and next minute, half of my body was covered with rootbeer.
Maybe because I'm already pretty sticky, don't really mind over it. Maybe if I were in my CCHY uniform, I'll surely be freaking out! OHHH! I think I like the font, that's why I keep typing and typing! My first week passed passed passed! Oh my, I swear I didn't even get to enjoy anything up till now! Oh yes, I'm super crazy and worried that I can't find my true love! :(
Everywhere I go, I see couples, and it's an eye sore! :C
I'm pretty sure everyone is so damn fast and furious... oh my I'll be left on the shelves!
I don't want! :C Oh I need to stand firm with Jesus first, before he can give me my RIGHT ONE! I think I should be thinking this way. Maybe If I Wait hard enough, learn to grow in Jesus, wait patiently, then he'll give me a faithful a right one, my meant to be soulmate. Can you imagine the countless of precious memories we'll have, if we were meant to be. How much we can click well, how much we can actually spent time together doing similar stuff and feeling happy, how much we can get together and worship the lord, sing praises together, spent time together counting stars, spend time talking about how Jesus brought us together, how Jesus want our lives to be connected with him, how we are so same and alike, how much we love Jesus, tell each other about the secrets we have, tell each other how we met Jesus, get together in a cold night, spend a lazy afternoon together, tell each other the problems we faced in life, read our Bibles together, spend time together listening to God's word for us, go to a faraway place where nobody knows us, gatecrash some random weddings, laugh at each other faults, forgiving each other sins and know how much we actually love each other and cannot live without each other, ... the list goes on and on!
There are infinite things I must do with my husband/first boyfriend. I know I might sound somehow like old fashioned, outdated, but I believe the Lord for the right one and only one so I won't get hurt and it's a LOVE STORY! I'll be the ONE to witness that true love does exist, and it won't be like other teenagers when their love are just mere infatuation or for the sake of having someone to love or to be loved. Although I know it's difficult and hard during this century but FAITH keeps me going on. Yes, it's true and I believe it. I'm living for it! I wonder if God will ever read my blog! I just stumbled upon angel's blog, and she say God doesn't reply smses, but I believe God will know my problems. That sermon was just so spot on! Thank Lord about what Pastor Eugene has preached about during the last sermon. It was like my daily bread! Two word from the bible and from that verse striked me alot! TAKE HEART! So I wrote it in my palms before going to floorball. I know I needed it to help me tide through! Oh tomorrow is going to be tied up! I don't mind spending my time talking with the Lord, it's so precious to me! I feel guilty that I have not been spending enough time with him. Fret not, this friday is my TEEN IDOL CAMP! I'm so looking forward to it! It's like I can finally get some time off the busy schedule to do something meaningful and fruitful! Oh yes, last week pastor Lily was telling us to pray in tongues! But I just couldn't cause I have not received it! I'm not sure when I will receive it but I know I'm not ready for it. I want to fully receive it when I have the real heart and the heart God desires then to put his powerful, mighty power into my mouth and confess the truths. Our tribe are supposed to pray in 2 for a word from the lord for our youth net ( I think so). I was praying then many words like love, compassion just passed thorugh, then out of a sudden, guitar popped out! It was so random! I shall ask more from the lord about it! Hopefully He'll give me an answer! Alrights! Shall stop this long long post! (:
GOODNIGHT! (:
Posted on: 2009-06-05
Posted at: 22:16
Posted at: 22:16
Human beings are irritating creature.
YES. Some of them ARE!
I don't get what everyone of you is hiding. Forget it.
Whatever it will be. Shall be.
Whatever gossiping and secrets shall flow to the back of my head.
Now I'm starting to dread everything I used to have strong passion for.
& that's a B.
H-O-L-I-D-A-Y! breather!
I think I feel lethargic! :(
What's wrong with me?
I feel totally wrong and out of place and not myself!
Credits
You have my thanks