Posted at: 22:53
I feel so dead now. My heart, my heart. My soul, my soul.
I'm at my wits end.
I turning back to look at everything I've done.
I truly regret it.
I've come to somewhere I don't belong.
I feel painful and horrible.
I can feel myself dying... my heart is dying.
I really really regret.
Now that I've come this far, turning back seemed faraway.
It's like walking from the north to south, east to west.
I feel myself turning away from everything.
My life is a wrecked train.
Nothing can be done to salvage this situation.
I will be left alone, left to be in the dark.
I'm so afraid, yet regretting everything.
I hate myself for choosing something I dislike, because I'm not this kind of person.
I want to be myself, but for the first time, I was so wrong.
I was placed wrongly.
I did something because my rational mind tells me to, I did it to please others, my parents, but I failed to please God.
I promised him something but yet I backfired because of something else.
Now I'm truly regretting myself for suffering here.
God, I need you here.
I feel so guilty not even going to church today.
RH said that the sermon is about me, and God is speaking to me.
I feel so painful that I couldn't get to hear his words.
Nothing can get into my head.
All the information is just flowing away, and there is no way I can stop them.
I'm living such a terrible life.
I told myself few days ago, not to look back because it pulls you from the future. If you look forward, time past faster, and soon everything will finish.
I'm speechless.
I need the holy spirit to come speak to me.
My whole world is falling apart.
I can't feel anything.
Nobody is around me.
Nobody talks to me, sms me.
No one is concerned about me.
I'm left behind by the world. My friends are all moving forward!
I'm really moving backwards.
I feel bad about everything today.
I've never felt so useless, and unworthy in my life before.
I've never ever felt I was even appreciated in this world, nor do I deserve to be in this world.
I know I'm paid by a price, Jesus is my savior.
I'm precious in his eyes, but somehow I'm undergoing so many trials and tribulations.
I've lost my will to continue to go on.
I want to fall on my knees, to ask for forgiveness, for redemption.
No matter how hard I pray, I can't feel his presence.
I know I'm sinning for being lazy and everything.
I just feel I need my heart to be renewed.
To come clean before the lord, and I really need to bring my heart of stone away, and welcome a new heart of flesh.
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it!
Now that I'm filled with guilt and pain in my heart, I don't know how to go one. The Lord has felt sad too, and how I wished he can save me from everything again.
I'm too unworthy to be here.
I stumbled upon the daily devotion today.
Here it goes :
Title: Recipe for Rejoicing
Author: Warren Wiersbe
Read Psalm 69:22-36
"I will praise the name of God with a song and will magnify Him with thanksgiving." This verse seems out of place here, because this psalm has an atmosphere of trial and sorrow. Six times we find the word reproach in Psalm 69. David cries out to God for help, so it's strange to find him saying, "I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving." When you are sinking, when you think that everything has gone wrong, when others are persecuting you and smiting you, praise the name of God with a song.
Paul and Silas must have thought of verse 30 when they were suffering in jail in Philippi (see Acts 16:16-34). They were in the stocks. They had been humiliated and arrested. Their rights were taken from them. They had been beaten with rods, and their bodies ached. But they began to sing and praise God. The concert brought down the house, and the jailer was saved. When you find yourself sinking, start singing.
Magnify the Lord. When I hurt, I have a tendency to magnify myself. I think, Nobody ever felt the way I feel. Nobody's ever been through what I've been through. But David said, "I'm not going to do that. I'm going to magnify the Lord."
Thank the Lord. Anyone can thank Him when things are going well. Anyone can thank Him in the sunshine. But when you are sinking in the deep mire, it's difficult to give thanks to God. But we need to do so.
Here you have a threefold recipe for rejoicing when you are sinking: Praise the name of the Lord, seek to magnify Him and bring your thanksgiving from your heart.
Are you overwhelmed by your circumstances? Trust the Lord and follow this recipe. He will cause you to rejoice.
Psalm 69:29
29 I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me.
Pain and distress is exactly how I felt!
God, I need you in my life. I am nothing without you.