SHUTING.190392
Reflections upon my Life!
Posted on: 2009-09-15
Posted at: 01:09
I admit my posts has been turning into TWITTER form! It's real convenience and it expresses what you're thinking and doing, just within a total of 160 words! Amazing! And I've been following Pastor Eugene! Anyway, the main point of this posts isn't about twittering, it's about what's happening to me these few days!Posted at: 01:09
First, How do you feel when you know that your old flame is seeing someone else? Maybe I'm being over-sensitive... But I actually felt jealous! A unexplainable, indescribable emotion in my heart surfaced. It's a mixture of hatred, yet still hoping that maybe he stills remember me. Naive, I know! Exactly! Don't you just hate it when someone you've invested time and emotions in, put your heart into it, can just finds someone else to fill his heart so quickly. Pardon me but F***! OK, to the infinity! Damn it! I feel like hurling vulgarities. So you see, the pain of being in a relationship and suffering from one! It hurts me emotionally. Even though it's not some vivid or wild memories... Once you've put your heart into it, there is no turning back. How much I hate it! I'm saddened that I've not turned back when God has given me so many hints to pull me back, to stop me from furthering and endangering myself. I've led myself into a perilous journey when I myself know that this is not part of God's plan for me. I truly regret it, because I suffered. I did not escape from the pain. I went through it! Still, I thank you the Lord for not leading me into it further, but to stop all these. He made me see clearly through this, and I know He wants me to wait patiently, faithfully. Just towards him! I put my hope in Him. From today onwards, I shall believe that the best is yet to be given to me until I put in my best to the Lord!
I was trying to be pessimistic over my life! Once again! :( I always tried to picture myself in the worst possible scenario! So I stumbled upon LiXin's blog, and read through it! I realised that everybody struggles with life! Though it's somehow long-winded, LiXin showed her desire for God strongly. She did not blame God for all these she is going through, instead she gave thanks and served with passion! I was reading and looking at the pictures she took at her missionary trip! It never occur to me that LiXin looks like an angel! I could see her hearts for the children and she stood out among the people, she shined like a star, for the glory of God! Only then I realized, what matters most is on the inside, not on the outside! She showed empathy and her heart goes out to the people, the disadvantaged! I shall change my thinking and perspectives from this moment! :)
Credits
You have my thanks